my dad kept pointing out to me that i have spent way across the line… yes i know! i am fully aware of it too but i really need to learn them… >.< I know it would be impossible for the money to be returned back to my savings now…for all the classes and tools ive spent. i just hope the online business im planning will somehow return the anount ive spent for ingredients and slowly make a name for myself in a small community perhaps. that would have been a dream come true for a beginner baker like me.

i plan to focus on brownies isnce it is a best hit seller in nicu.. so as POPS like cake pops, cupcake pops, cupcake bites, cake balls and french macaron. i just hope it will be a success.

tomorrow ill be learning on theme cupcakes class. i hope ill be able to be quick to follow and finish all the figures to be made. ive heard we are going to make 12 things but usually some finish just around 10-11 pieces because of lack of time. challenge to me is to finish them all tom! wish me luck.

this is no ordinary class. the flowers made of royal icing were difficult. having my cake deco 1 class in december, i didnt really know if this became my liability because i havent practiced piping skills after that. it took me a while to get the hang of it with boiled icing and royal icing all over again.

overall, we were able to finish a basket cake filled with flowers. pictures soon to be uploaded at multiply account.

looking forward to cake deco 3 but i hope i’ll be able to attend. alas, beinga nurse is difficult with the shiftings… i just hope i can tell the head nurse and seniors of my plans to take the 3rd class.

it was also today i decided to pay for the french macaron class for jan.27. hesitant? well because i think i had spent so much and have not been practicing yet because we got no oven at home. i really want to practice during my offs and free time so i can start selling at my workplace.

money has been a problem to me lately i admit because i am pursuing my dream … risking it all… spending my money on tools one by one and also for the classes. i hope one day ill be able to practice them. for now, i plan to spend my last cash on classes for cupcake 2 on february then its STOP… and practice for a while…

hmm i really want to sellcupcakes and french macaron at my workplace! i just hope it will come true before the year ends.

how was my hands on you ask? because of chef and the helpers i was able to finish it with not so satisfying output.

but my parents were proud of me. and i admit i want fondant better than those buttercream and boiled icing decorations. hahaha:D

i just need to master them some how. but i dont kno where to start.

i decided to buy an oven pleading my dad with might and telling him ill pay for it soon. like an IOU at first. if i have it i swear ill try making those cupcakes and start selling them. earning back what i shell out for the classes is a goal but another one is to improve my baking skills and decorating skills first.

chasing my dream is a different story… owning an online shop and selling it to my coworkers… a dream that seemed so faraway.

i plan to perfect some of the lessons taught first. bake it around 5 times … before i start to sell them.

plan to sell : cupcakes, brownies (since it was a hit at my workplace) and fondant cakes

everytime i feel low, the song of “one day” by charice inspires me to reach my goal and dream…

ONE DAY – charice

they’re not gonna keep me down
they’re not gonna shut me out
they’re gonna do what they do, i do me
i’m moving against the crowd
i’m drowning out, way down
they’re gonna do what they do
i do something original
be unforgettable
they’re gonna know my name

(chorus)

(one day) i’ll make you a believer
(one day) i got this all i need is
(one day) don’t try to tell me i can’t (tell me i can’t)
(and now) i’m a light in the future
(watch out) wont stop i’m a mover
(one day) you’re gonna know who i am
i will fly high and free
it’s my fate wait and see one day

i’ve been afraid before,
to reach for something more
but now i see that it’s mine, i’ll take it
just go ahead and try,
you’re not gonna change my mind
there’s no such thing as too late
yeaaaaaahhhh!!

(chorus)

bridge:

i’m on a mission, no longer listening
to anyone that says don’t try
sometimes you feel it, deep in your spirit
it’s like a fire that won’t die

(one day) wait and see
(one day) oooh
(one day) just wait and see

chorus:

(one day) i’ll make you a believer
(one day) i got this all i need is
(one day) don’t try to tell me i can’t (ooooh)
(and now) i’m a light in the future
(watch out) wont stop i’m a mover
(one day) you’re gonna know who i am (know who i am)
i will fly high and free
it’s my fate wait and see, one day

one day, one day
one day, one day, one day

Charice – One Day Lyrics

then comes the fun part….:) making of the swirls and frosting. the demo made by chef carrie madrid was just so amazing. she showed us how t \o decorate each cupcake and atthe same time how to do each frosting. kind of information overload if you ask me, so she gave us her email so we can message her.

our group was huge, i am the 3oth person in the class. it exceeded the limit of 25 people. but we get to decorate our cupcakes.take home most of it too.

im glad my family were happy seeing what ive accomplished eventhough its just beginner level. im improving with theswirls thanks to cake deco1 class. though most of my cupcakeswere broken upon home because of the bumps when walking and commuting home. do i need to purchase that cupcake courier or not -.-

everytime im at baking world, all my stress goes away. andwhat made me happy was cbf insisted he was sure… that he wanted me.and he asked if im willing to be with him through thick or thin. the problem was he need to wait for me when i goabroad to work.. will he really wait?

photos will be posted at my multiply site so you’ll know how much fun i have.

link :

today everyone in my family started arguing regarding the relationship we have between cbf and me. and I admit i know ill be in to a lot of hardships when im with cbf in the future. i am fully aware i’ll suffer just like my mom, who suffered being wife of my dad when my grandpa wasstill alive. yes..its like…history would repeat itself! but i accept the challenge.

what fears me most this day was approaching our minister at the temple and asking him if cbf and i are compatible.

it turns out that the minister said its ok. nothing is bad with our relationship and we can keep it that way. he then asked me if i love cbf, of course i said YES!… then he counted with his fingertips telling me that i have a great opportunity coming my way this march based on the chinese calendar. i will have an opportunity to fly abroad and work. this is shocking news. he told me that for this time, i cant take both. i really have to choose one…career or love? i was dumbfounded i couldnt speak.finally he told me of how my mom prayed for it every sunday… yes i pity my mom, i am indebted to her for raising me up but,i want to be cbf’swife as well. the minister told me to think about it. this event left me not too happy today.

i didnt told my mom about this nor anyone at home. keeping it secret. i shared it to my closest nicu friend tina. *sigh* and lastly, since i love cbf,i want to be open and honest, i told him… the whole story. telling himall this thru phone since he called me up while at work in nicu, he replied’ there’s a probability of 83% that… you have to choose one. knowing mymom’s character she wont wait for you.”

i was sad hearing that news. i replie sadly thru text that ill cherish the happy moments i have left with him. and that i asked him a favor. if he decides to break up with me, pls give me a last meeting with him and a last warm hug.

now at home, i cant believe i keep thinking about it and cry. ishould be sleeping..i know… i have a cupcake workshop to attend tomorrow. i must reserve the cupcake workshop2 as well before its too late in february batch.

in love, the greatest distance can be bridged …

cbf can you wait for me? please…to allow me to fulfill my responsibility asa daughter ,…

tears trickling down my face as i type this… how iwish you will be mine and that i will belong to you….

at first i was so happy. what made me a bit sad was my mom. she told me that its a waste of money but a couple of days ago, she told me she wanted me to take up that course so I’ll learn a little bit of cooking since im clueless with it.

oh well. i know as a girl old enough at the age of 24, house chores are a must know before one gets to another stage of life which is marriage. In traditional chinese…like me (sad but true); our age has an additional 1 year. therefore for this year my real age of 25 on august 4 is equivalent to age 26. >.< Plus its also said that reaching that age w/o a Boyfriend is considered old. although i have cbf around, im hoping he’d wait for me until im ready for the next satge of life. house chores, laundry… mopping the floor, sweeping the floor, cleaning the tables and cabinets, washing the dishes… i can say i know how to do them all… EXCEPT… cooking >.<

with it i was hoping this culinary class i enrolled, despite the ingredients fees to be used, would help me to overcome my fear and love cooking. because, as a woman, it is vital to be knowledgeable and embrace the kitchen as part of our lives. i admit i only love the kitchen for baking…hopefully i can finish the course …knowing that i need to sacrifice a lot because being a nurse…my schedule cant be fixed to what i really want… and fitting in cake decorating class  and baking as well… i hope God will give me strength to finish what i want to learn this 2012.

i have thought about it hard 3 times…. before plunging to paying for it.

im hopeful for a better 2012 this year…

here’s a new year resolution list that i made (and crossing my fingers that i’ll follow):

1. lose the holiday weight gain which is nearly 5lbs (2kg to be exact) and maintain 45-46 kg this year.

2. not binge on sweets when stressed out or depress but munch on real food!

3. be more spendthrift this year. coz ive been spending a lot on baking things and lessons. but i plan to earn them back somehow. after..i invest on an oven that is… so it might take few more months before i can follow this but base on my plan it would be from march 2012- october 2012 .

2012 goals (listed on my bdj 2012 planner as well) :

personal life goals:

1. no excuses: go to church 1x a week : im sorry i made an excuse last year when i have to work on a sunday but this year will be different. if i work on a sunday, i’d attend on an off day. or pay a visit to church at least.

2. DAILIES:

• pray.
• make someone happy.
• smile more often.laugh.
• not worry much.
• enjoy each day as it is a gift by God to live a new day.

3. HELP IN MEDICAL MISSIONS WHEN TIME PERMITS.

fitness/ health goal:

reach and maintain 45-46kg wieght and maintain it until december 2012 ends.

financial goal:

1. be able to save (a certain amount of cash) by the end of december 2012

2. budget on my salary. dont spend needlessly.

career goals:

1. attend nursing update per month on cgh if available.

2. renew prc license and ivt card this 2012.

new things to learn:

1. improve baking skills by taking lessons and PRACTICE them on a free time. SHARE to others what i bake:)

2. learn cake decorating and PRACTICE on a free time. i had learned cake decorating 1 last year but still havent practice due to lack of tools needed for practice. i am hoping to finish the 5 more classes left in cake decorating this year 2012.

3. for the first half,i plan on taking up culinary arts course since its more expensive with ingredients  although i heard the professor here is very meticulous with attendance so i’ll tell him from the start that i’d attend once im free, i’ll not get the diploma if i dont deserve it.i plan to start practicing at home cooking with my mom for a start. for the next half .i plan on taking up reflexology course.

 4. others i want to learn but i am not sure i can learn them by this year are:

• driving
• coffee art as barista
•  haircutting
• make up
• chocolate molding

 what i am thankful for in my new things to learn list since 2010 ..is that it lessens each year, and im learning from them.just hope i get to apply and practice them so as not to forget what ive learned.

new experiences to try:

this is the vague part… maybe ill just add something here once ive thought of it.:)

someday, maybe:

own an online pastry shop … waah such a dream since 2010 >.<

STEPS TO TAKE:

• take lessons to improve.
• buy the tools needed. ingredients and packaging next.
• PRACTICE. SHARE your baked goods and ask people to rate them.
• ask help on cbf or justin on how to do the costing for each recipe.
• establish an online store.

december 29 with mam amy was super duper fun! not to mention the resourcefulness of liezl for the photobooth using a drape and covering it with leftover balloons during our nicu christmas party. a giant cake was brought by mam amy for us night shifts and ice cream care of jonafil everyone ate a lot and were full. the funpart comes with the exchange giftas it was made better by having a photo shot taken at the photobooth^^

december 31st – much simpler but  still fun! food were brought pot luck by each of us as contribution. i brought brownies and it was a hit!  we all ate together as we heard the noise of the loud BANG and BOOM fireworks outside the hospital. it wouldve been fun watching it with my family, my closest friends or with cbf.

speaking of cbf, how i miss him so. tom he’s coming back from hong kong. i just cant wait to meet him. ^^

happy new year 2012 everyone! ^^

to start, i finally decided on buying cake decorating tools for my baking hobby. Im taking it to the next level…I promise to make an effort in making my dream business not just a dream, but a reality… it is just too expensive though. i am penniless now. i spend everything from my own earnings, but it will be worth it soon if im really good at it and when i can market it already to the public.

today was the day i scheduled myself to meet a very special friend. She has been my classmate since i was in pre school until grade 3 at saint jude catholic school. i always consider her to be special eventhough we never get the chance to be classmates afterwards nor even meet and talk in person the past years. this person has a golden heart. One of the nicest, kindest and soft spoken person i’ve met in my life. for me, i consider her as the most thoughtful person too. she never fails to give me a birthday card or simple gift when i was younger. now she is a sucessful accountant board passer and a writer beinga columnist in a food magazine… she is herschel.

i felt so ashamed having her to wait for me due to the chores at home. she waited until 3pm just to meet me. we ate at teriyaki boy and the tokatsu rice meal really made me full. the friued rice was also delicious but i still prefer the plain rice comparing the flavor of both after i had tasted them. catching up with her and all…i realize one meeting isnt enough. Im hoping to meet with her again soon…this time i must bring a camera so we can have a  souvenir photo together.

 arriving home, staring at the mirror, i know… I KNOW… I AM GAINING WEIGHT!!! here’s what i told my mirror…”don’t look at me like that you big fat jubi..i will commit by january to getting my old weight back- you just wait and see! “

time for night shift work again … a day well spent! ^^ sharing your precious time to someone is a priceless gift you can give to people who are special or important to you…each of us have special people in your life that because of a busy schedule , we dont get to mingle with them often or even spend quality time with them. today, i learned that we must find time to meet them or talk to them…and remind them of how special they are to us and how they make our life birghter each day.

its because my dad went out of town and had no one to take me to work at 11pm…

my cbf volunteered to drive me to wrk each night but i felt so emabarassed.=.= so far, he was able to drive me to work on december 21,22 and 24>.< 3 more days and dad will be back on december 28th.

LAST DECEMBER 23,2011 i ate at ling nam together with cbf’s family^^

december 24 i have to work night shift and i was shocked with all the food brought by doc bunbun to nicu. thank you so much doc! ham, chicken, fried rice, spaghetti c/o gem, carbonara c/o camille and ruby , bibingka c/o mam joan, chocolate cake c/o lesly, fruit salad, macaroni salad c/o leslie, pancit, lechon …. everyone ate their hearts out with so much food on 12midnight…the start of december 25th

gaah what i fear most is my weight gain!!! i wished my weight wont be too high. last december 22 i weighed 45.5kg which made me delighted. but pretty sure after december 25th my weight will shoot up…

december 26th im so excited… i get to start my bdj planner! ^^ also the start to trim down my food hoppings again. maintainance in weight needs discipline! from a 53kg me on march 1,2011; i was able to weigh down to 45.5kg this december 2011 …great job jubi:)

hoping next year..i’ll be able to start my dream goal of selling pastry and at the same time, still maintain my weight at 45.5kg